Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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