Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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