Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Terrible idea I love it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
