I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
