i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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