Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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