if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
