My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
