I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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