booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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