We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
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