My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
