He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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