Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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