: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
farters have to be the big spoon...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
