There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
