I smell stomach acid.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
