I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
