I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
