weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
