1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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