really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
