A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
