The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
