oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
