I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
