Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
