hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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