I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
