why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
