Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
