I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I checked into jail on foursquare
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
