Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
COCAINE IS GR8
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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