Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
