you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
