this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
