I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
