i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
