Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
