Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
did you get engaged???
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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