bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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