Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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