oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
