ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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