hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
