In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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