He had one of those small greek statue penises
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
