wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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