Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
