thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
