his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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