And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
