Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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