Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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