If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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