I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
