Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
