sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
