oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
