Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I see more hoeing in ur future
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