I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Every concussion has its silver lining
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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