you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
