Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
