I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
