I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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