dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
