Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
