she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
