I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
