I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
