I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
