Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
