I will die if light touches me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's blow job season.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
