I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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