youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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