Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
