we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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