Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
