I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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