i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
