Christians are straight up FREAKS
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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