...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
