And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
