in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my poor anus
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize