OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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