im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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