for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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